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A collection of quotes of the S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Phil Coulson.
Coulson S4

Movies

Iron Man

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"I'm Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."
―Phil Coulson to Pepper Potts[src]

Dialogue

"Mr. Stark."
"Yeah?"
"Agent Coulson."
"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy from the..."
"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."
"Whew! God, you really need a new name for that."
"Yeah, I hear that a lot."
―Phil Coulson and Tony Stark[src]
"Oh, wow! What's that? It's, like, a little device? It's, like, a thing that's going to pick the lock?"
"You might want to take a few steps back."
Pepper Potts and Phil Coulson[src]
"Agent Coulson, I just wanted to say thank you very much for all of your help."
"That's what we do. You'll be hearing from us."
"From the Strategic Homeland..."
"Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D.."
Pepper Potts and Phil Coulson[src]

Iron Man 2

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"If you try to escape, or play any sort of games with me, I will taze you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet."
―Phil Coulson to Tony Stark[src]

Thor

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Sir, we've found it."
―Phil Coulson to Nick Fury[src]
"Sorry, ma'am, we're the good guys."
―Phil Coulson to Jane Foster[src]

Dialogue

"Is that one of Stark's?"
"I don't know. Guy never tells me anything."
Cale and Phil Coulson[src]

The Avengers

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"You're at 114 Solenski Plaza, 3rd floor. We have an F-22 exactly 8 miles out. Put the woman on the phone or I will blow up the block before you can make the lobby."
Phil Coulson to Georgi Luchkov[src]
"It's a vintage set. It took me a couple of years to collect them all. Near mint. Slight foxing around the edges, but..."
―Phil Coulson speaking of his Captain America Card Collection[src]
"So, that's what it does."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"Phil? Uh, his first name is 'Agent'."
Tony Stark[src]
"He was an idiot."
"Why? For believing?"
"For taking on Loki alone."
"He was doing his job!"
"He was out of his league, he should have waited."
Tony Stark and Steve Rogers[src]
"And there's one other person you pissed off. His name was Phil."
Tony Stark to Loki[src]

Dialogue

"Dr. Selvig read an energy surge from the Tesseract four hours ago."
"NASA didn't authorize Selvig to go to test phase."
"He wasn't testing it, he wasn't even in the room. Spontaneous event."
―Phil Coulson and Nick Fury[src]
"I'll brief you on everything when you get back. But first, we need you to talk to the big guy."
"Coulson, you know that Stark trusts me about as far as he can throw me."
"Oh, I've got Stark. You get the big guy."
―Phil Coulson and Black Widow[src]
"Mr. Stark, we need to talk."
"You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message."
"This is urgent."
"Then leave it urgently."
―Phil Coulson and Tony Stark[src]
"I gotta say, it's an honor to meet you, officially. I sort of met you, I mean, I watched you while you were sleeping. I mean, I was... I was present while you were unconscious from the ice. You know, it's really, it's just a... just a huge honor to have you on board."
"Well, I hope I'm the man for the job."
"Oh, you are. Absolutely."
―Phil Coulson and Steve Rogers[src]
"Uh... we've made some modifications to the uniform. I had a little design input."
"The uniform? Aren't the stars and stripes a little... old fashioned?"
"With everything that's happening, the things that are about to come to light, people might just need a little old fashioned."
―Phil Coulson and Steve Rogers[src]
"I'm sorry, boss. The god rabbited."
"Just stay awake. Eyes on me."
"No, I'm clockin' out here."
"Not an option."
"It's okay, boss. This was never gonna work if they didn't have something to..."
―Phil Coulson and Nick Fury[src]

Promotional

"I think they need a time-out."
―Phil Coulson to Maria Hill[src]

Marvel One-Shots

The Consultant

Dialogue

"They want Blonsky in the team."
"The Abomination?"
"They really don't like when you call him that."
―Phil Coulson and Jasper Sitwell[src]
"So, on the Council's orders, we have to send one of our people down to General Ross to ask for Blonsky, who we don't even want."
"Exactly."
Jasper Sitwell and Phil Coulson[src]

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor's Hammer

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Tell them those Tae-Bo tapes really paid off."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Episode 1.01: Pilot

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"It's a magical place."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"Don't touch Lola."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"People tend to confuse the words 'new' and 'improved'."
―Phil Coulson to Grant Ward[src]
"Michael Peterson, factory worker. Married, one kid. Gets injured, gets laid off, wife jumps ship. Good guy, bad breaks. Best guess is, somebody tells him they can make him strong again. Make him super."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"Nobody's nobody, Ward."
―Phil Coulson to Grant Ward[src]
"We didn't cut off the head of the Centipede. Whoever sponsored that little experiment is still out there."
―Phil Coulson to Skye.[src]
"The tide is rising."
―Phil Coulson to Skye[src]

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"I'm clearance Level Six. I know that... Agent Coulson was killed in action before the Battle of New York. Got the full report."
Grant Ward[src]

Dialogue

"Director Fury faked your death-- to motivate the Avengers."
"Well, the death of a common ally is a particularly effective team builder."
"Plus, it wasn't that much of a stetch. I stopped breathing for about 40 seconds."
"Eight. It gets longer every time you tell it."
"Yeah, well, you get shanked by the Asgardian Mussolini, You can tell it your way. I was looking at the big white light, and it felt like a lot longer than eight seconds."
Grant Ward, Maria Hill and Phil Coulson[src]
"You should go some time."
"Where?"
"Tahiti. It's a magical place."
―Phil Coulson and Maria Hill[src]
"I'm not exactly a team player."
"We're not exactly a team."
Skye and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 1.02: 0-8-4

Dialogue

"You used to have 100 men at your disposal, and now...?"
"A hand-picked team. And yes, they're that good."
Camilla Reyes and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 1.03: The Asset

Dialogue

"Excuse me."
"Who the hell are you?"
"A concerned citizen who happens to be a member of a giant bureaucratic organization that's tracking your every move."
―Phil Coulson and Todd Chesterfield[src]

Episode 1.04: Eye-Spy

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"I forgot how good you are."
Akela Amador[src]
"What happened to Agent Coulson? He's different."
"Well, he's loosened up a bit. He nearly died before the Battle of New York."
"But what did they do to him?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Never mind."
Akela Amador and Melinda May[src]

Dialogue

"What's up Phil?"
"I prefer you not call me Phil."
"Ok, you're the boss, A.C."
Skye and Phil Coulson[src]
"You told me that you were ready for combat. That you had my back."
"Don't ever doubt it."
―Phil Coulson and Melinda May[src]
"I know Director Fury felt he owed you after you sacrificed yourself."
"And my card collection."
Grant Ward and Phil Coulson[src]
"Who were they?"
"Don't know. Even to this day. But they were organized."
―Phil Coulson and Akela Amador.[src]
"Not many people would have made that call, to give Amador a second chance."
"I got one. Seems only fair I extend the same opportunity to others."
Skye and Phil Coulson[src]
"Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? Where's the 'I told you so'?"
"That's not me anymore."
Akela Amador and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 1.05: Girl in the Flower Dress

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Why are you here? You've been keeping something from us this whole time. And it wasn't just a boyfriend. You have a secret, Skye, and one chance to come out with it. That's now, or I'm done with you."
―Phil Coulson to Skye[src]
"I love these things."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"What kind of organization are we dealing with?"
"International, well-financed and interested in creating a Super-Soldier."
Grant Ward and Phil Coulson speaking about the Centipede Project[src]
"His file didn't say anything about him being psychotic, did it?"
"No. It just said he was kind of a tool."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]
"You bend someone long enough and they break! Poor little Chan Ho Yin may have believed your lies, but not Scorch!"
"Who?"
"Oh, crap. They gave him a name."
Chan Ho Yin, Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 1.06: FZZT

Dialogue

"Working up a good sweat there, sir?"
"I don't sweat. I glisten."
"Blood pressure, heart rate, biochems all normal. All that's left is the blood sample."
"You should know -- I'm not a fan of getting poked."
"Tell me, sir have you been feeling under the weather lately?"
"Why?"
"I just noticed from your chart that you're not due for a physical for another 3 months."
"I made a mistake took a call from my physical therapist. Asked how I was feeling. I said, "a little rusty." Next thing you know, I'm wired to this hamster wheel."
"Well, you can officially tell your physical therapist That you're fit as the proverbial fiddle, Especially for a man of your age."
"A man of my age? That's something you say to an old person."
Jemma Simmons and Phil Coulson[src]
"I got hurt once. Pretty bad. I-I died. Some say it was for only eight seconds, but I know it was more than that. I know I wasn't here anymore. I was there."
"What's it like?"
"It's beautiful."
―Phil Coulson and Tony Diaz[src]
"That doesn't sound like the Phil Coulson I used to know."
"No, I suppose it doesn't. Get used to it."
Felix Blake and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 1.07: The Hub

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"I know what the safety of a thousand men is worth. I know the importance of taking the Overkill Device out of play. But, I also know my men, and what they're worth!"
―Phil Coulson to Victoria Hand[src]
"Trust the system."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"Barton, Romanoff, they never have an extraction plan."
"They know that going in!"
Victoria Hand and Phil Coulson[src]
"Seems Fury has a soft spot for his favorites. Not everyone gets sent to Tahiti."
"It's a magical... place."
Victoria Hand and Phil Coulson[src]
"Will you help me find out what really happened?"
"Dangerous waters. But, I can try."
"Thank you."
―Phil Coulson and Melinda May[src]

Episode 1.08: The Well

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"You know, it would be nice if, for once, Thor and his his people sent down the 'God of Cleaning Up After Yourself'. They probably have a magic broom for this sort of thing."
Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"Did I fall asleep?"
"For a little while..."
Phil Coulson and Karine[src]
"Honestly, Tahiti is too good to be true."
"I know. It's a magical place."
Phil Coulson and Karine[src]

Episode 1.09: Repairs

Dialogue

"I'll lose the tie. If she is telekinetic, I don't want to have a noose around my neck."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"She took it upon herself to get them out. Said she could fix the problem. So she went in, crossed off the enemy force. Didn't say how."
"Did she lose anyone in there?"
"Herself."
Phil Coulson and Skye[src]

Episode 1.10: The Bridge

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Mr. Peterson, if you could put that bulldozer back where you find it, we need you to suit up."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"With all the high-tech gadgets and gizmos at our disposal, it's easy to forget about the simple tools of the past."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"Their technology keeps advancing at a disturbingly rapid pace. They must have endless manpower, resources."
"And someone with a fat wallet."
―Phil Coulson and Skye speaking about the Centipede Project[src]
"I don't believe I've had the pleasure."
"Lucky for you."
Raina and Phil Coulson[src]
"Whatever this is, whatever you think you’re doing, it won’t work. I won’t give you what you want."
"You will. And what we want is simple: we want you to tell us about the day after you died."
―Phil Coulson and Raina[src]

Episode 1.11: The Magical Place

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Let me die, please. Please. Please, I'm begging you let me die. Please! Please, let me die! Let me die, please! Please! Let me die! Please! Let me die!"
―Phil Coulson during the procedure[src]

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"No single agent is that important."
"Coulson is."
Victoria Hand and Grant Ward[src]

Dialogue

"I know you don't want to believe it, but you can't tell me nothing makes you doubt, makes you wonder what happened in Tahiti."
"It's a magical pla... I keep saying that."
"Don't you want to know why?"
"Turn it...turn it on."
Raina and Phil Coulson[src]
"I heard what you did for me. I think it's time that we remove this. Disengage bracelet."
"Are you kidding me?"
"Thought you'd like that."
―Phil Coulson and Skye[src]

Episode 1.12: Seeds

Dialogue

"When we started this, I told you that you might not like what you learn."
"And I told you... That it can't be worse than what I've imagined."
"It is."
Phil Coulson and Skye[src]
"That's the thing about Skye. What I told her shattered her world. Her lifelong search lead to stories of murder and now it's too difficult to continue. Her search is over. Her story ends here. But you know what she said?"
"Tell me."
"She said no. Her story started here. Her whole life, she thought she wasn't wanted. That she didn't belong, that every family that took her in didn't want her to stay. Didn't care. But all that time, it was S.H.I.E.L.D. protecting her. Looking after her. That's what she took away from the story. Not the family she'll never have, but the one she's always had. Here I am telling her something that could destroy her faith in humanity, and somehow she manages to repair a little piece of mind. The world is full of evil and lies and pain and death, and you can't hide from it. You can only face it. The question is, when you do, how do you respond? Who do you become?"
―Phil Coulson telling Melinda May how Skye responded when he told her about he past.[src]
"She wasn't the first one to die. We were headed into the Hunan Province in China. Senior agent had called in an 0-8-4."
"An object of unknown origin. We dealt with those before."
"He said the entire village had died trying to protect this one. Avery and I were fresh out of the Academy. There were five of us running the back end until we lost communication with the first team. We had been searching. Found the senior agent up under a bridge. He managed to escape with a gunshot wound to the neck, but he bled out. He was still holding on to the 0-8-4. Poor thing was covered in blood. We thought she was dead too, but she was just asleep in a dead agents arms."
"Wait, the baby? The girl was the 0-8-4?"
"If she had powers or something, we never witnessed it. The five of us helicoptered the kid off. Headed home. After we landed, we started getting crossed off."
"Executed."
"Tortured. Heads bashed in. Then when it came down to Avery and I, we realized that the only way to keep our people and the kid from being hunted-"
"Was to erase her from existence."
"Avery was smart. She used to lead agents credentials to fake a level 8 clearance. She'd set up a nearly invisible protocol. The foster system was ordered to move the kid around every few months."
"But they still got to Avery."
"She died protecting that secret."
"And you left town."
"I left everything. I mean whoever killed that kid's family and all those agents was a force to be recon with."
Richard Lumley and Phil Coulson discussing Skye's past.[src]

Episode 1.13: T.R.A.C.K.S.

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"If it's somewhere on Earth, we'll find it."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"I can’t deal with Asgard today."
―Phil Coulson after examining an unknown technology.[src]
"Oh.. Oh, god. Hang on. Just hang on, okay?"
―Phil Coulson to Skye when finding her.[src]

Dialogue

"You never had any time for her, but you made time for your work. And your prostitutes!"
"Prostitutes? Plural?"
Jemma Simmons and Phil Coulson while undercover[src]

Episode 1.14: T.A.H.I.T.I.

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"We're her family"
―Phil Coulson about Skye[src]

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"You wouldn't know it to look at him, but Phil's one of our finest."
John Garrett to Antoine Triplett[src]

Episode 1.15: Yes Men

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"She's a warrior. I saw her fighting in New Mexico with Thor. Climbed a giant metal killing machine, speared it with a double-bladed sword. It was pretty badass."
―Phil Coulson to Melinda May[src]

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"He knows. Repeat: Coulson knows."
―Melinda May to Nick Fury[src]

Dialogue

"No. That's an order."
"That's not a good-enough reason!"
―Phil Coulson and Jemma Simmons[src]
"I have never asked you. How was Tahiti?"
"It sucked."
―Phil Coulson and Jasper Sitwell[src]
"And the others... Have any of them been here recently?"
"Rest easy, Phillip, Son of Coul. None of the others have ever visited Earth."
―Phil Coulson and Sif[src]

Episode 1.16: End of the Beginning

Dialogue

"It's not what you think, Coulson. It's just an I.C.E.R."
"This one is not. It's real, with real bullets."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 1.17: Turn, Turn, Turn

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Drop the damn weapon and kick it over the stairs, May! Now! NOW!!"
―Phil Coulson to Melinda May[src]

Dialogue

"Phil, this is me being honest."
"No John, this is you being a psychopath."
―Phil Coulson and John Garrett[src]
"What are we planning to do next?"
"Survive."
―Phil Coulson and Melinda May[src]
"Take Agent Garrett into custody! He's the murderer they call the "Clairvoyant". He's a traitor!"
"Gentlemen, I know Agent Sitwell was in charge of filling your ranks, so at least a few of you know what to do in this situation... any time boys. Hail HYDRA."
―Phil Coulson and John Garrett[src]

Episode 1.18: Providence

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"We were lucky enough to make it through. The Triskelion, the Hub...those battles are just the beginning of this war. HYDRA is out there now, but at least our team is still intact. We can fight them, and we will."
Phil Coulson[src]
"The world needs us. HYDRA is out there. We cannot let them win. We cannot let them define us. Do you understand that? We are not agents of nothing. We are agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and that still carries weight. It has to carry weight. After everything we've been through, that carries weight."
Phil Coulson to his team[src]

Episode 1.19: The Only Light in the Darkness

This section requires expansion


Episode 1.20: Nothing Personal

This section requires expansion


Episode 1.21: Ragtag

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"This is just about everything we've been dealing with. And this connects them all. Cybertek built Deathlok, shipped items to Quinn, who was working for the Clairvoyant, who turned out to be Garrett, who planted Ward on our Bus because he wanted to know why I didn't stay dead. Should have drawn another chart for this part..."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"We have no authority to do this. We're no longer S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. We're..."
"We're vigilantes."
"I was gonna say, 'doing this because it's the right thing to do,' but... yeah. "
―Phil Coulson and Leo Fitz[src]

Episode 1.22: Beginning of the End

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Mr. Peterson is free to do whatever he wants."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"Hey guys! I found it! Told ya it'd be in here."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"Hi, John."
"Hi, Phil."
"Well, that's new."
―Phil Coulson and John Garrett[src]
"You didn't tell me he'd gone this crazy."
"He's really stepped it up a notch."
Nick Fury and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.01: Shadows

This section requires expansion


Episode 2.02: Heavy is the Head

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"He's a vigilante, a zealot who'll risk anything to further his own agenda."
Glenn Talbot[src]

Episode 2.03: Making Friends and Influencing People

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? Sriracha? Beer? That's all? What kind of diet is that?"
―Phil Coulson to Jemma Simmons[src]

Episode 2.04: Face My Enemy

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Yes, everyone on the planet knows what you mean, Hunter."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"I really like that dress."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"I can't believe I'm the only one seeing this right now."
―Phil Coulson[src]
"Some people are better in small doses."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"Wait, what was that?"
"Yeah. That's May."
"Well, is she ok? Is everything ok?"
"She's fine. She's laughing. I think the worst of it's over now."
Skye and Phil Coulson[src]
"Come on. We used to have fun like this in our youth. You know you enjoyed it."
"Yes. Then life happened. Nostalgia's fine, but I'd rather deal with reality."
―Phil Coulson and Melinda May[src]
"Yo."
"I could've handled him."
"I did."
―Phil Coulson and Melinda May[src]
"This is the part I do. It'll make up for the dancing."
"You liked it."
"I didn't."
"Little bit?"
"...Little bit."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.05: A Hen in the Wolf House

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"You're afraid of him. And you don't scare easily."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.06: A Fractured House

Dialogue

"I'm still a part of the team."
"You th-... You are not, nor will you ever be a part of my team. You dumped FitzSimmons into the ocean. You murdered Victoria Hand and Eric Koenig, you deluded son of a bitch!"
Grant Ward and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.07: The Writing on the Wall

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"You're gonna have to torture it out of me."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough."
―Phil Coulson and Skye[src]

Episode 2.08: The Things We Bury

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"He may seem lost sometimes, but he's always got a plan."
Antoine Triplett[src]

Dialogue

"We may actually have a shot at finding the city."
"Are you sure it's something you want to dig up?"
"If we don't, HYDRA will. We need to get there first."
―Phil Coulson and Skye[src]
"If it starts to leak any fluids, drop it, run."
"This doesn't sound like a watch."
―Phil Coulson and Skye[src]
"Sir, can I put this is my pocket?"
"That depends, do you ever want kids?"
Antoine Triplett and Phil Coulson[src]
"What are we talking about? Tesseract-level power?"
"Sure. I don't know that is."
"You realize we're talking life and death here."
"I know. It's exciting, isn't it? I mean, both sides racing to the temple, life and death, flesh and blood, emotions! Who knows how it'll shake out? All I know is, my baby's gonna be right there in the center of it."
―Phil Coulson and Calvin Zabo[src]

Episode 2.09: Ye Who Enter Here

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Ooh, hats. I wish I was a hat guy. Some guys can really pull that look off, you know? ... What, too small?"
―Phil Coulson[src]

Dialogue

"I'm telling you sir, she looked exactly like Agent May. Expect for the freaky facial scar thing."
"That was Agent 33. She was wearing a nanomask disguised as May, but May electrocuted her right in the face."
"Oh, that is so badass!"
"Sam, I'm on with the director! Thank you."
Billy Koenig, Phil Coulson, and Sam Koenig[src]
"You ever had the fried plantains here?"
"From Tostones? Yeah, why?"
"I heard about this place down the street where they put crab in them. I wouldn't mind trying that. You know, after we save the world."
―Phil Coulson and Bobbi Morse[src]
"Look around you. Venders, selling their wares to bring home a modest income. Locals, buying fresh vegetables for dinner tonight. Tourists, on their one vacation a year."
"Point?"
"They are the point. The're the reason I'm here. The reason there's a S.H.I.E.L.D.. There are three million people on this island. I don't want HYDRA turning them into collateral damage."
―Phil Coulson and Bobbi Morse[src]

Episode 2.10: What They Become

Dialogue

"Two goals; stop the drill, find Skye."
"Aren't you forgetting the third?"
"What's that?"
"Don't die out there. We tend to remind each other not to die."
"I thought that was implicit."
"He likes to hear it."
"Who doesn't like to hear it?"
―Phil Coulson, Lance Hunter, and Bobbi Morse[src]

Episode 2.11: Aftershocks

Dialogue

"Did you find Raina's body yet?"
"There's a lot of rubble to dig through, but not yet. Whatever gas came out of that obelisk hit you, too. That's why we're being extra cautious. It's hard to make sense of all of this."
"What? No, it - No, it isn't. We lost. We failed."
"Skye, don't say that."
"It wasn't because of HYDRA,It was because of me."
"Don't blame yourself."
"If I didn't go down there, you could have blown the place!"
"That was one battle. This is a war."
"And Ward and my father, the rotten core, the center of everything!"
"We did not fail! Trip prevented a disaster, and Whitehall's dead. We cut off the head. And while HYDRA scrambles for a new one, I will crush them! I'm gonna make someone pay... whoever the hell it is."
Skye and Phil Coulson[src]
"I shouldn't have to ask any of you to save one of our own."
"You never ask! You just give your orders, no matter cracked up they are!"
"Mack, you'd do well to remember your rank right now."
"Really? Rank at a time like this? Why don't you shove your rank up your..."
"Not helping, Hunter."
"Guys, stop."
"No, it's cathartic. Do you have any thoughts of your own on it, or do you just parrot his?"
"Coulson's trying to stop HYDRA."
"We didn't stop anything! We unleashed something on the planet!"
"Please."
"No one knows what happened yet."
"It could have been a lot worse."
"And Skye barely made it out alive!"
"Thanks to Trip. He sacrificed his life, Mack!"
"No! He traded his life for hers! And then he was shattered into a thousand pieces!"
"That's enough! If Trip was here, he wouldn't be arguing, he wouldn't be bitching. He would be gearing up to do what needs to be done. Yes, we're dealing with forces we don't understand, but HYDRA I do understand. I want everyone ready when the sun comes up. End of discussion."
―Phil Coulson,Alphonso Mackenzie,Melinda May, Lance Hunter, Bobbi Morse, Skye, and Leo Fitz[src]
""You'll never take us alive"? Really? That's a little over the top, don't you think?"
"I only had a day to come up with this whole thing. Besides, if I let you write the script, no one would say anything."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.12: Who You Really Are

Dialogue

"I don't blame you, but I have been thinking about it, and I realized I've been wasting your talents."
"Sir?"
"Look, I know you love it under the hood of a car, but... we could really use you out in the field. You're a force to be reckoned with, Mack. Believe me."
"Okay, but violence isn't really my thing. You know, that alien crap made me into something I'm not."
"I know. But have you seen yourself? You're a little bit of a beast all the time."
―Phil Coulson and Alphonso Mackenzie[src]
"My mind is that of a lost adolescent. I can provide no information of value."
"Not totally true. Judging by your clothes, we know you were undercover, probably something you learned after your last visit here. Your usual full-armor look is a little more... conspicuous."
"So you are saying I wear that armor most of the time? Does this mean I'm a warrior?"
"A good one."
"A great warrior..."
"It's just details that you're missing. You must remember things about your home world, right?"
"Only basic lessons a child would learn."
"The name of your sword? What about Thor?"
"Um... I do not know this word, but when you say it, I want to smile. Why?"
"Who can explain the mysteries of the Asgardian brain?"
"I can."
Sif, Phil Coulson, and Melinda May[src]
"Sorry. The argument was going nowhere."
"You back with us?"
"Yes. My memories have returned. I am Lady Sif of Asgard, friend of the S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Asgardian... well, that explains a lot."
"It is true. We don't trust Kree. That is why I am here. When Heimdall saw that one landed on your world, Odin charged me of retrieving him."
"So you came to pick a fight."
"We know enough about Kree history to be concerned."
"Well, then, if you know Kree history, perhaps you've heard the tale of Terrigenesis."
"Of course. Ancient Kree descending on planets, altering the inhabitants to fight their war."
"And Earth was one of them."
Vin-Tak, Phil Coulson, and Sif[src]
"You are a dangerous monster!"
"I am no monster. I am sometimes dangerous, but only toward those who are deserving.(Softly, to Coulson)I do not actually know. Is it... only toward those who are...?"
"No. That was... that was right."
"Thanks.(To Cardozo)Answer his question, elderly man!"
―Cardozo, Sif, and Phil Coulson[src]
"Kava means keys."
"Keys?"
"A device used to unlock..."
"Yeah. I know keys."
Sif and Phil Coulson[src]
"Coulson, your people make decisions based on logic."
"Usually."
"Usually. As do mine."
"Leaving Skye with us is the logical choice, I promise."
"No. No. That is not what I mean. Asgard is millennia beyond you in our pursuit of science and knowledge. And we have learned there are some things that can never be understood."
"Is this little talk one of 'em?"
Sif and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.13: One of Us

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"I haven't worked with S.H.I.E.L.D. in a long while. I moved on for a reason."
"It's a different S.H.I.E.L.D., Coulson's the director now."
"Okay, but why me? Is this Skye that bad?"
"She's that good; good agent."
Andrew Garner and Melinda May[src]
"Let’s welcome Phil Coulson to the field. Here is a fun fact: He killed the man I had been plotting to kill for two and a half decades! Disappointment!"
Calvin Zabo[src]

Dialogue

"Sir, these people are on the Index, but they are not exactly gifted."
"They were considered highly dangerous, larger part of the Index functions as more of a watch-list."
Bobbi Morse and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.14: Love in the Time of HYDRA

Spoken about Phil Coulson

"This is not a decision that we arrived at lightly. I know Coulson, he was a good agent. At least he was before Fury injected him with alien DNA. Ever since, his behavior has grown increasingly more troubling. Can you honestly tell me that you don't share any of these concerns?"
Robert Gonzales[src]

Dialogue

"I'm sorry about everything that's happening Skye."
"Not your fault. The blame begins and ends with my dad."
"Well, you wouldn't be the first person to have parents with misguided intentions."
"Nope, just the first whose crazy dad lured her to an alien city to get earthquake powers."
"Yeah."
―Phil Coulson and Skye[src]

Episode 2.15: One Door Closes

Dialogue

"They know all of our protocols. We handed Mack the schematics of our base."
"They don't know everything about this place. Not like we do."
"She said she was working for S.H.I.E.L.D., Phil. The real S.H.I.E.L.D.."
"What the hell does that mean?"
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]
"I was wrong that day. We followed Fury's orders, hundreds of men and women who devoted their lives to this organization would be dead. If I had been the man in charge, they'd all be lost."
"So now you all operate as what? Five friendly faces who agree on everything? I don't see the other four here talking to me... just you."
"I have no desire to be the director."
"You think I did? Fury chose me."
"He made you. You're literally his creation. He thought of himself as some sort of king who made damn sure he had an heir to the throne. Try and remember Project Insight was Fury's idea. Secrets are what brought S.H.I.E.L.D. down the first time, and we won't let that happen again."
"If you wanted to talk to me, Agent Gonzales, you should have talked to me. You put spies on my team, invaded my base, hurt my people. Fury's secrets didn't bring down S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA did."
"I wonder if you really believe that."
Robert Gonzales and Phil Coulson[src]
"You really think they're gonna help you?"
"Every member of your team is a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. We'll let them make their own decisions."
"Already made mine."
"That's really a nice entrance."
Robert Gonzales, Phil Coulson, and Melinda May[src]
"Nice office. Lots of light."
"You haven't even delved into the record collection."
Robert Gonzales and Phil Coulson][src]

Episode 2.16: Afterlife

Dialogue

"Can I let you in on a little secret? I've got a genuine, honest Abe, God-given superpower. You want to know what it is?"
"I'm afraid to guess."
"I can look at any man and tell him exactly what kind of car he should be driving."
"Maybe I'll just look around."
"Y-you know, I look at you, and I see a man who's played it safe his whole life, but lately feels like he's stuck in a rut. Life's lost its thrill. The kids are monsters. The wife's taken to muumuus. And now you're thinking, it's time to let the tiger loose."
"(after stealing a jeep)Sorry, Eddie. Tiger's been loose for a while."
―Eddie and Phil Coulson[src]
"I'm not going down without a fight. We're gonna find Skye and we're gonna take back S.H.I.E.L.D., and we're gonna need more than Honest Eddie's Jeep to do it."
"You want to take their Quinjet, the two of us, while we're trapped in here, surrounded. Brilliant."
"I have reinforcements on the way. We just have to hold down the fort until they get here."
"Yeah, well, I have reinforcements of my own."
"I.C.E.R.s only."
"Oh, you can't be serious."
"Those are S.H.I.E.L.D. agents out there. We're not gonna hurt them."
"I somehow doubt they feel the same about us."
"It won't come to that. It may not look like it, but this place was built to withstand a Hulk-sized force. On the other hand, let's just hope they didn't bring a...(a battering ram hits the safe house)"
"...battering ram."
"'Cause then we've only got about an hour."
―Phil Coulson and Lance Hunter[src]
"Where's are the reinforcements?"
"I don't know. Stuck in traffic?"
"Are they traveling by clown car?"
Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson[src]
"Maybe he's got a point. I was dead, after all. I shouldn't even be here."
"We all have our bad days."
―Phil Coulson and Lance Hunter[src]
"Maybe we should forget all this, head down to Mexico. We can lay low, enjoy the quiet life."
"That's not an option. The problem is... there are no good options."
"Well, maybe it's time for the bad ones."
Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson[src]
"This would have been a piece of cake if you'd let us use these big boy guns. Now we have to get close enough to get shot by their big boy guns."
"By the time they recognize us it'll be too late."
"Then there's the small matter of who's gonna fly that thing. Do you even know how?"
"I've watched May fly. I know a little."
"How little?"
"I can get us off the ground."
"You do know there's more to it than that like getting us back on the ground... for example..."
Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson[src]
"At some point, you might have mentioned that backup was a lethal cyborg."
"Truthfully, I just wanted to see the look on your face when he showed up. Priceless."
"Glad I amuse you."
"You know I can hear you up here."
Lance Hunter, Phil Coulson, and Deathlok[src]

Episode 2.17: Melinda

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"We believe Ms. Belyakov posses enhanced strength. This is what happened when a Russian officer tried to stop her with his car. She fled Russia unharmed. Looks pretty strong to me, so it's important we don't spook her. Just a friendly chat to bring her in for evaluation. And if all goes really well, we gain an asset before the Russian's find her."
―Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.18: The Frenemy of My Enemy

This section requires expansion


Episode 2.19: The Dirty Half Dozen

Dialogue

"Can we just address the elephant on the plane? I know. This is weird. Mistakes were made."
"By you."
"And people got hurt."
"By you."
"And I could stand here and explain again how my parents - and brother left me vulnerable..."
"We've all had our traumas, Ward. Didn't turn any of us into psychopaths."
"Well, we all have our own ways of coping, don't we? For example, I was yours."
"Watch it, Ward!"
"Look, I'm just saying we all made mistakes. Coulson handed me over to my abuser, thank you. Skye shot me."
"After you killed how many people?"
"Yeah, and we were a team and a family, and you betrayed us!"
"know. It's what I regret the most. Not the lying, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents I had to put down, and I'm sorry not even dropping you two in the ocean. It's this. My actions destroyed this. I'll regret that forever. 'Cause there were good times. Right? Before? I mean, for a while there, we were a good team. Weren't we?"
"(after a dramatic pause) I'm still happy I shot you."
"Yeah, me too."
"Should've aimed for the face."
Grant Ward, Leo Fitz, Melinda May, Phil Coulson, Jemma Simmons, and Daisy Johnson[src]
"I bet Gonzales wasn't happy when you said he wasn't invited to this chat."
"Yeah, well, I wasn't too happy when he blew a hole in my base and kicked me out. We all live with disappointment, and right now, we have bigger problems."
"Does that mean you found it?"
"I'm guessing HYDRA doesn't know Loki's scepter was the weapon that killed me, but I bet they know it can control minds."
"In their hands, that's catastrophic. Coulson, please tell me you know where it is."
"Sokovia. I'm pretty sure List is headed there right now. I've just sent you everything I found on Strucker's location."
"Coulson, why didn't you just tell Gonzales why you really wanted to get onto the HYDRA base?"
"Believe it or not, he puts every decision to a vote.

(Hill Scoffs) I know. And I was pretty sure if I'd been honest, I'd have lost the swing vote, so I did what I had to do."
"Last thing. Theta Protocol; is it ready?"
"Yes, it is. Time to bring in the Avengers."

Maria Hill and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 2.20: Scars

This section requires expansion


Episode 2.21: S.O.S. Part One

This section requires expansion


Episode 2.22: S.O.S. Part Two

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.01: Laws of Nature

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.02: Purpose in the Machine

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.03: A Wanted (Inhu)man

Dialogue

"Last time we met, you disarmed me with your evasive tactics."
"I see what you did there."
"No, I got it
handed to you. Makes me wonder what else you've got up your sleeve."
"No, really, I get it."
Rosalind Price and Phil Coulson.[src]

Episode 3.04: Devils You Know

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.06: Among Us Hide...

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.07: Chaos Theory

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.08: Many Heads, One Tale

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.09: Closure

Dialogue

"Two all-Americans from D.J.'s extra bacon, double cheese."
"Is it me, or is every burger that's named "the all-American" just really awful for you?"
Rosalind Price and Phil Coulson[src]
"Want to take me out? Come and get me. We'll settle this right now."
"I have people who take care of that sort of thing for me now. No, I just wanted to hear the panic in your voice before you died. This isn't over."
Phil Coulson and Grant Ward[src]
"I figured out a way to track down Ward, but we got to go off book."
"My specialty."
"I'm not sure taking Hunter is really such a good idea."
"You're going, too, Agent Morse. We need a pilot."
Phil Coulson, Lance Hunter and Bobbi Morse[src]
"How long till we reach HYDRA airspace?"
"We're about 10 minutes out. Sir? About what happened back there..."
"We got what we needed. End of story."
"I understand. But that look on your face...I've seen it before. It's the same look Hunter had when he went after Ward."
"Not sure I'm getting your point."
"It's dangerous going into a mission that emotional. You need to be able to separate the job from your own feelings."
"You're wrong. I've been keeping my feelings in check, and look what it got us. Rosalind's dead, Ward has Fitz and Simmons. My only regret is that I didn't kill that son of a bitch when I had the chance."
"Coulson..."
"Let me know when we're close."
Phil Coulson and Bobbi Morse[src]

Episode 3.10: Maveth

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.11: Bouncing Back

Dialogue

"It looks good."
"Fitz outdid himself on this one. Lots of bells and whistles. It's pretty fantastic."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]
"Feels real."
"Feels like the others. It's not the hand. It's me."
"Maybe you're not supposed to get over it. Some things you can't move past. They scar you, change you permanently."
"I don't know what happened there, on that planet."
"I do. You joined the cavalry."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 3.12: The Inside Man

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.13: Parting Shot

Dialogue

"Minister of Defense, former KGB assassin."
"And still at it, apparently."
Phil Coulson and Leo Fitz about Androvich[src]
"They've wiped out almost 30 square kilometers of forest just to make room for this place. You wonder why the planet's dying."
"Got that right, mate. You and Jemma watch that documentary I mentioned?"
"Oh, yes! The one about the Amazon? It ..."
"And you'll talk about it later."
Leo Fitz, Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 3.14: Watchdogs

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.15: Spacetime

Dialogue

"With Mack on bed rest, we could use the extra muscle."
"Well, he's the only one with extra muscles, but I'll come anyway."
Daisy Johnson and Phil Coulson[src]
"Got to admit... this time stuff's always been a little over my head. Like in "Terminator," if John Connor's alive and able to send his friend back in time to save his mom to make sure he's born, doesn't that mean he doesn't have to?"
"I, uh, I never saw the original "Terminator.""
"You're off the team."
Phil Coulson and Lincoln Campbell[src]

Episode 3.16: Paradise Lost

Dialogue

"The Sturnus vulgaris, or European Starling, one of America's scariest invasive species."
"They're just birds."
"Birds can be scary. Imagine a flock of a million coming to peck your eyes out with their tiny, little beaks."
Jemma Simmons and Phil Coulson[src]
"Is there something wrong, sir?"
"You were there. You saw."
""We do what we have to do." That's your words."
"Yeah. And that's what I've been telling myself."
"And now you don't believe that that's true?"
"It was true for you. You were left no choice on that planet. You did the right thing, but I crossed the line. Ward deserved to be punished, but no one deserves to have the life..."
"No, he did deserve it. He did deserve to have his chest caved in...no question."
"That's not the point. It was payback. That's not what we do here."
"Well, what was the alternative? I mean, letting him live, letting him win?"
"Don't you see? When I killed him, he did. I knew it would come back to haunt me, I just didn't think it would actually come back to haunt me."
Leo Fitz and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 3.17: The Team

Dialogue

"This god has outlived..."
"I've met gods. Gods bleed."
Gideon Malick and Phil Coulson[src]
"We were good together, and yet it took so little to split our team apart. I have failed them"
"This is being a leader. You want to protect everyone but you can't. People get hurt. Today it wasn't your fault."
"Doesn't feel that way."
Daisy Johnson and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 3.18: The Singularity

Dialogue

"You want me to wear a suicide vest?"
"It's only if Hive infects you. And, technically, a suicide vest is something you control."
"So it's a murder vest."
Lincoln Campbell and Phil Coulson[src]
"When did you..."
"I thought it would be cool if the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. had a shield. Fitz agreed, so..."
Melinda May and Phil Coulson[src]

Episode 3.20: Emancipation

This section requires expansion


Episode 3.21: Absolution

Dialogue

"You're not a criminal"
"That's exactly what I am. So you can keep your forgiveness in your pity because I shouldn't have either... Or your friendship."
"Daisy... you were brainwashed."
"So was Ward. We make the perfect pair."
Phil Coulson and Daisy Johnson[src]

Episode 3.22: Ascension

This section requires expansion


Episode 4.01: The Ghost

This section requires expansion


Episode 4.02: Meet the New Boss

This section requires expansion


Episode 4.03: Uprising

This section requires expansion


Episode 4.04:Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire

Dialogue

"Did two fire dudes just drop into a warehouse full of fireworks?"
"You had to see that coming."
Alphonso Mackenzie and Phil Coulson about Ghost Rider and Hellfire[src]

Episode 4.06: The Good Samaritan

Dialogue

"He claims he made a deal with the devil."
"Which is nonsense."
"You know, the rationalist in me wants to agree, but the skull on fire makes a pretty compelling argument for "hail Satan"."
Phil Coulson and Leo Fitz[src]

Episode 4.07: Deals With Our Devils

Dialogue

"May, I need you to hear me. I'm not gone! May, help!"
"You're not allowed to be gone...not yet."
"No, I haven't gone anywhere."
"You're not dead."
Phil Coulson and Melinda May[src]

Comics

The Avengers Prelude: Fury's Big Week

Spoken by Phil Coulson

"Now I need you to dismantle that thing, and make it about a hundred times smaller. And put a trigger on it!"
―Phil Coulson[src]

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